Parsley
Sage Rosemary & Ginsburg llp
“always a reasonable result for a
reasonable fee, always”
MEMORANDUM
To:
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Top
10 File
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From:
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Mike
Marget
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Date:
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Re:
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Top
10 Ways Baseball will be Different when Bears are allowed to Play
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A
few weeks ago I visited the Bronx – both the Zoo at 2300 South Blvd. and the
Stadium at 161st and River Avenue.
This got me thinking.
Top 10 Ways Baseball will be Different when Bears are allowed
to Play[i]
10.
– Instead of the “hidden ball” trick, runners will be lured off base by the
shortstop juggling live salmon.
9. – Trash receptacles throughout the ballpark
always will be tipped over.
8. – In the dugouts chewing sunflower seeds will
be replaced by grub-infested bark.
7. – Flunk a drug test; continue your baseball
career in disguise wearing a bear suit.
6. – For reasons too complicated to explain,
the Miami Marlins will cease to exist.
5. – Term “southpaw” will take on a slightly
different meaning.
4. – During 7th inning stretch, the
team might start hibernating.
3. – Pitching changes will involve tranquiller
darts.
2. – Concession stands will begin selling “too
hot,” “too cold” and “just-right” porridge.
1. – Instead of a pregame Air Force flyover, 3
WORDS: helicopter, Palin, rifle.
[i]
Also, the Yankees
will start signing all the best bears to long-term contracts; but that really isn't different.
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