Thursday, September 20, 2012

Top 10 Ways Baseball will be Different when Bears are allowed to Play

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Top 10 File
Mike Marget
September 20, 2012
Top 10 Ways Baseball will be Different when Bears are allowed to Play

A few weeks ago I visited the Bronx – both the Zoo at 2300 South Blvd. and the Stadium at 161st and River Avenue.  This got me thinking. 

Top 10 Ways Baseball will be Different when Bears are allowed to Play[i]

10. – Instead of the “hidden ball” trick, runners will be lured off base by the shortstop juggling live salmon.

 9. – Trash receptacles throughout the ballpark always will be tipped over.

 8. – In the dugouts chewing sunflower seeds will be replaced by grub-infested bark.

 7. – Flunk a drug test; continue your baseball career in disguise wearing a bear suit.

 6. – For reasons too complicated to explain, the Miami Marlins will cease to exist.

 5. – Term “southpaw” will take on a slightly different meaning.

 4. – During 7th inning stretch, the team might start hibernating.

 3. – Pitching changes will involve tranquiller darts.

 2. – Concession stands will begin selling “too hot,” “too cold” and “just-right” porridge.

 1. – Instead of a pregame Air Force flyover, 3 WORDS: helicopter, Palin, rifle.

[i] Also, the Yankees will start signing all the best bears to long-term contracts; but that really isn't  different.

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