Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Top 10 Ways to Make Chess More Popular

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MEMORANDUM

To:
Top 10 File
From:
Mike Marget
Date:
October 11, 2012
Re:
Top 10 Ways to Make Chess More Popular

In a video-game world, this was inevitable.  Accordingto reliable sources, the World Chess Federation is secretly studying ways to alter the 1,500 year-old rules of the game of chess to make the sport more appealing to the general public.  I can't simply stand on the sidelines while this is happening, so here are my contributions:

Top 10 Ways to Make Chess More Popular

10. – Free vuvuzela horns for the first 1,000 ticketholders admitted to watch each match.

 9. – Lose a piece, down a shot of single malt.

 8. – Permit viewers to repeat the accounts and descriptions of play without the written permission of Major League Chess.

 7. – Suspend for one season any coach or player who offers a cash bounty for injuring an opposing team's Bishop.

 6. – Frequent TV timeouts so viewers can run to the kitchen to replenish their beer and chips without missing any of the action.

 5. – More bench-clearing brawls.

 4. – Schedule matches opposite hockey games.

 3. – Replace the knight pieces with carvings of those adorable dancing horses from the Olympics.

 2. – Settle draws with penalty kicks.

 1. – Rename Pawns the “47-percenters.”

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