Parsley
Sage Rosemary & Ginsburg llp
“Always a reasonable result for a
reasonable fee, always”
MEMORANDUM
To:
|
All
Partners
|
From:
|
Mike
Marget
|
Date:
|
August
10, 2011
|
Re:
|
Let
Me Explain – an Apologia Pro Vita Sua
|
By now you have all heard the news. After publishing last month’s financial
statements, performance enhancement drugs were found in my system.
I’m shocked. This completely mystifies me. I don’t take steroids. I would not defile my body simply to eke out
a couple extra dollars for the law firm’s bottom line. I do not do accounting dirty!
Charges that I used stimulants to
improve past financial reports are utterly baseless. Sure, my spouse sometimes supplies
amphetamines in advance of those marathon monthly Partners’ meetings, but
Jeanne has always drawn the line at steroids.
There must be a simple
explanation. Surely, the testing lab
made a mistake. Like Lance Armstrong and
that NASCAR guy, I’m the victim here.
Admittedly, my ego was recently
measured 5-times normal size, but that’s still much smaller than the average
lawyer’s. Please, don’t jump to
conclusions.
In closing, allow me to repeat: I
have never knowingly ingested a
banned substance. I hope this innocent,
isolated incident in no way shakes your confidence in my work or prevents me from
fulfilling a childhood dream of one day being inducted into the Super
Accountants’ Hall of Fame. Thank you for
our continued trust and support.
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