Friday, August 10, 2012

Let Me Explain!

Parsley Sage Rosemary & Ginsburg llp
“Always a reasonable result for a reasonable fee, always”
MEMORANDUM

To:
All Partners
From:
Mike Marget
Date:
August 10, 2011
Re:
Let Me Explain – an Apologia Pro Vita Sua

By now you have all heard the news.  After publishing last month’s financial statements, performance enhancement drugs were found in my system. 

I’m shocked.  This completely mystifies me.  I don’t take steroids.  I would not defile my body simply to eke out a couple extra dollars for the law firm’s bottom line.  I do not do accounting dirty!

Charges that I used stimulants to improve past financial reports are utterly baseless.  Sure, my spouse sometimes supplies amphetamines in advance of those marathon monthly Partners’ meetings, but Jeanne has always drawn the line at steroids.

There must be a simple explanation.  Surely, the testing lab made a mistake.  Like Lance Armstrong and that NASCAR guy, I’m the victim here.

Admittedly, my ego was recently measured 5-times normal size, but that’s still much smaller than the average lawyer’s.  Please, don’t jump to conclusions.

In closing, allow me to repeat: I have never knowingly ingested a banned substance.  I hope this innocent, isolated incident in no way shakes your confidence in my work or prevents me from fulfilling a childhood dream of one day being inducted into the Super Accountants’ Hall of Fame.  Thank you for our continued trust and support.

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