Parsley Sage Rosemary & Ginsburg LLP
“Always
a reasonable result for a reasonable fee, always”
MEMORANDUM
To:
|
Top
10 File
|
From:
|
Mike
Marget
|
Date:
|
March
3, 2013
|
Re:
|
Top
10 Reasons to Elect Me the Next Pope
|
10.
Both Bill Maher and Karl Rove have contributed to my Sistine-or-Bust Super Pope
PAC.
9. I
was once a Cardinal – Little League Keokuk County Bank Cardinals.
8. If
elected, I will use my powers to bring peace between Kris Humphries and Kim
Kardasian.
2. As an homage to traditionalists, I’ll take the name Pope John Paul John-Paul John-Paul Benedict I.[ii]
7. My
new diet and exercise regime will count as a first step toward eventual
beatification.
6. I’m
seldom wrong, which is modern day version of infallibility.
5. I’ve
never violated the 5th Commandment.
4. I
will replace all the Cardinals with Ravens – because purple is a better color
and, heck, they won the Super Bowl.
3. I’ll
write really cool encyclicals like “Quomodosancta
trinitas similis est baseball geminus-fabula compositum.”[i]
2. As an homage to traditionalists, I’ll take the name Pope John Paul John-Paul John-Paul Benedict I.[ii]

1.
I look good wearing a miter ------------------------>
[i]
Roughly
translated: “How the Holy Trinity works together like a really good double-play combination
in baseball” (e.g., Tinker-to-Evers-to-Chance).
[ii]
Stupid joke: Waiter:
“What would the Pope Emeritus like for breakfast today?” Pope Emeritus: “Ex-Benedict will have Eggs Benedict.”
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